


i could offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love

by BornInTheDusk



Series: i feel insane, am i insane? (tell me if that's okay) [1]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Author Projecting onto Quentin Coldwater, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Is that fluff? Oh my god it is, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22646152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BornInTheDusk/pseuds/BornInTheDusk
Summary: For a hermit author who preferred to avoid people at all costs, when exactly is the appropriate time to leave his new apartment for the first time and explore the neighbourhood?It had been a week since Quentin and Eliot had moved into their new apartment.The fact that moving in with his boyfriend wasn’t even the most daunting part of this whole experience proved how bad Quentin’s social anxiety was.But he had to learn to do some things on his own. Quentin was always so co-dependent on Julia when they were roommates, he didn’t want to force the same burden onto Eliot’s shoulders. Confident, smart, Eliot.-ˏˋ alternatively ˊˎ-Dusk lives vicariously through Quentin because Quentin handles social anxiety like a champ.(Title fromMake You Feel My Loveby Adele.)
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Series: i feel insane, am i insane? (tell me if that's okay) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1641772
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	i could offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love

**Author's Note:**

> I have a queliot playlist on Spotify — [_peaches & plums, motherfucker_](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4hvzJXMfpwlrdqkzS2DCe2?si=MtSR-93tRc-5TdDwmQzYZg).

For a hermit author who preferred to avoid people at all costs, when exactly is the appropriate time to leave his new apartment for the first time and explore the neighbourhood?

It had been a week since Quentin and Eliot had moved into their new apartment.

The fact that moving in with his boyfriend wasn’t even the most daunting part of this whole experience proved how bad Quentin’s social anxiety was.

But he had to learn to do some things on his own. Quentin was always so co-dependent on Julia when they were roommates, he didn’t want to force the same burden onto Eliot’s shoulders. Confident, smart, Eliot.

It was times like these when Quentin’s depression monster reared its ugly head. Times where Quentin worried about whether he was being too dependent on Eliot, whether he was being a burden.

He knew it was what he did with Alice and it overwhelmed the poor girl.

Alice was a very independent and free individual, much like Margo. Maybe that's why Alice and Quentin were so bad together? He held her down. Logically Quentin knew there were mistakes on both their parts but he couldn't help looking back on it as something doomed from the start due to their very opposing and yet similar character flaws.

Quentin was too dependent — funnily enough, it was this same trait that brought their group together — putting too much pressure on others. Alice was too susceptible to pressure due to the huge amount she put on herself, which Quentin could partially relate to.

Eliot and Quentin had met during the worst points of their lives which might seem like a bad place to start something but they planted a seed that was blossoming into a strong, fruitful, and beautiful tree. Seeing each other at such low points from the start had prepared them for the worst.

Of course, Quentin's low-point had been partially caused by the sad turn his relationship with Alice had taken, but that was not the only reason and it was not the cause of the break-up nor the start of his relationship with Eliot. It was simply something that happened because he was not in a good place.

The break-up with Alice had been a long-time coming — his meltdown had given them the push they needed — and him getting together with Eliot wasn't because he was _there_. It was because Eliot had helped him, and he had helped Eliot, allowing feelings to grow and evolve.

To their friends, it was funny how they had met at a group therapy session, both for different reasons, but Quentin often thought back to it with anxiety clouding his judgement.

Sometimes he doubted himself, were they truly good together? Did they actually work like he had told himself and _El_ before the big speech? But never let it be known that Quentin Makepeace Coldwater isn't a stubborn bastard, he refused to give in to his anxiety when it concerned his love for Eliot.

He did, however, let it consume him when it came to his fear of social situations.

"Q?"

Quentin startled out of his thoughts, he had been sitting cross-legged on the living room floor and hadn't even heard the front door open. The front door was barely five feet away from the living room — it was right next to the kitchen which could barely fit one tall human i.e. Eliot — and the only thing that truly separated the areas was a bartop.

Quentin heaved a sigh of relief when he looked up and saw Eliot in the kitchen with his back turned, he had probably just returned and Quentin didn't want to cause unnecessary panic with his moping. Especially when Eliot panicked so, so easily and was still incredibly scared when it came to their relationship.

Quentin's lips quirked up slightly and his eyes narrowed as fondness seeped out of his very being. Just one look at Eliot was enough to tug at his heartstrings. God, he loved this man with every fibre of his being.

And just like that, all doubt was gone.

But he still didn't want to burden him, risk chasing something so good away.

Quentin's face fell and he returned to reality, his frown deepened as he realized Eliot was no longer putting groceries away. Instead, he was right behind him, sitting on the couch with his head resting on his knuckles, as a quick look around revealed.

Eliot's eyes were drowning in an emotion Quentin detested seeing on the face of his loved ones: _worry_.

" _El_ …" Quentin warned.

" _Q_ ," Eliot sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing, "alright, honey-drop, out with it."

The sickening pet-name took some of the edge off, making Quentin feel slightly braver.

"It's nothing."

Apparently, not brave enough.

"Sweetie — you know these are just going to get worse until you tell me what's bothering you — so come on now, tell your very loving kept man." Eliot hummed as he pressed a kiss to the top of Quentin's head, seemingly unbothered by his greasy mess of a mop for hair. Eliot quirked an eyebrow at Quentin's continued silence, "I guess I'll just have to bring in the big guns: _Julia_."

Eliot's stage whisper and jazz hands at the mention of Quentin's childhood best friend made him want to giggle but the anxiety bubbling beneath his skin ate away at the positive emotion like acid.

A chill ran up Quentin's arms before he heaved a sigh and gave into defeat, "I couldn't leave the house … _again_."

"What? That's it? I thought you accidentally closed _Word_ and had forgotten to save. That's what normally pains you the most." Eliot had joked about it but the plain relief on his face and the unsaid "besides me" made it clear he had been scared and panicking. Exactly what Quentin had wanted to avoid.

"I'm sorry." Quentin mumbled, dejected.

Eliot looked confused but that quickly fell into a mix of shock and … _heartbreak_? Eliot wrapped his arms around Quentin from behind, leaning forward to rest his head atop Q's forcing him to turn back around.

As Eliot rested his head on Quentin's, Quentin realized he could now hear Eliot's heartbeat. He could feel his own blood-pumping organ attempting to match the rhythm, forcing it to slow down and _relax_. The tension eased out of Quentin and he put all of his weight on Eliot.

"You don't have to do everything on your own, it's okay to lean on me."

"But I don't want to rely on you too much."

Eliot paused at that, his body going still, only speaking when he started breathing again, "at least for now, we can build-up to the bigger steps."

"So the bigger steps are me functioning like a normal human being?" Quentin questioned, his tone sharp. It was clear the disappointment was directed at himself and not Eliot, and yet Eliot drew back, releasing his grip.

" _Yes_. You can't rush it, Q."

Quentin sighed knowing Eliot was right, if he pushed himself too hard he would just traumatize himself and put himself off venturing outside all-together.

"Why don't we go watch a movie?" Quentin blurted before he even realized what plan his brain was concocting.

"A movie?" Eliot sounded thoroughly confused.

Quentin got up, turning around as he explained to Eliot, "yeah, I don't want to stay in today and my card is nearly expired."

"Did you have a movie in mind?"

Quentin's expression turned sheepish as he rubbed his nape.

Eliot sighed, "you want to watch that new monster film don't you?"

"It's called _Underwater_ and I think it looks good." Quentin pouted.

"Only for you, Q, only for you." Eliot muttered before getting up from the couch and placing his hands on Quentin's hip.

Eliot took a step forward as he pulled Quentin towards him, placing his lips on Quentin's in the form of a chaste kiss. They stayed like that for a few seconds, breathing in each other's essence as their heartbeats synced up.

As they moved their heads away from each other Eliot took a step back, his lips quirking as he admired the face of his partner.

Quentin ducked his head down, cheeks burning, as he pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the movie times. When he looked back up Eliot was still staring at him.

Quentin cleared his throat which felt dry all of a sudden, "we can catch the nine forty-five showing?"

Eliot hummed in agreement, brushing a stray hair out of Quentin's way before ducking forward and placing his lips on his forehead, pulling back immediately to go off and get ready for the movie.

As Quentin awaited his turn to use the shower he tried to build-up his confidence, trying to find a way to curb his anxiety because he'd just feel worse if he left the house smelling like he hadn't showered in days — which may have been exactly what had happened.

"Q, are you coming?"

Quentin looked up at the sound of Eliot calling him, "yeah?"

Eliot poked his head out, "into the _shower_? I'm helping you out today."

"Oh."

Quentin felt torn between feeling enamoured and feeling ashamed. Eliot helping him would certainly help with the anxiety, on the other hand, it made him feel incapable.

Quentin walked in the bathroom, immediately getting a clear view of a very naked Eliot.

 _Oh_.

That was one way to do it.

"Why don't we grab some burgers from _McDonald's_? I think we'd miss the movie if we tried to get a seat at our favourite Thai place."

"Just stab me in the back, Q, it would hurt less," Eliot declared with a sour look on his face but he still sighed and nodded anyway, "c'mon."

"It was dark for a reason!"

"Q, I literally had no idea what was happening for half the movie." Eliot shook his head, endeared by Quentin's ridiculous reasoning.

"Well, then, that's your fault. It's supposed to represent the unknown and how terrifying that alone can be, it's Lovecraftian inspired. The monster was even modelled after Cthulu!"

"Who now?"

"H.P. Lovecraft? Call of Cthulu? The epitome of classic horror?" Quentin questioned, jaw-dropping as Eliot shook his head at each question.

"Okay, nerd boy. It took a page out of one of your wet dreams, but you can still accept that it's a bad movie."

"It wasn't! It's so good, I hope they make a sequel!" Quentin declared, indignant.

Eliot placed a quick kiss on Quentin's lips, "let's agree to disagree."

**_FIN_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Copyright:
> 
> The Magicians © Lev Grossman  
> The Magicians (TV) © SYFY
> 
> **✩║ A/N ║✩**
> 
> Just a short fic I wrote to live vicariously through Quentin because social anxiety sucks.
> 
> — DUSK
> 
> This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> Absolutely no critique please, I am always working on bettering myself but have crippling depression and anxiety.
> 
> This author sees and appreciates all comments, but may not reply to all.
> 
> Note: If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (social anxiety be like that sometimes fam), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!
> 
> [-ˏˋ check out my links on tumblr ˊˎ-](https://borninthedusk.tumblr.com/post/190748785193/i-could-offer-you-a-warm-embrace-to-make-you-feel)


End file.
